For whatever reason, my dream in life was to have a 50th wedding anniversary. It seems silly now, but I didn’t dream of my wedding or my partner, it was that 50th anniversary that I held in such high esteem. I got married young and I was on my way. The interesting thing about dreams, though, is that they are not reality. I didn’t have a great plan for this dream of mine and my marriage wasn’t great. It ultimately ended and I was destroyed. A wise person once said that no good marriage ends in divorce and I should have found peace in the opportunities that lied ahead for me and my ex. Letting go of that relationship was hard, but I think letting go of the dream was worse. I’d have to live to be 100 to “accomplish” this goal and my partner would have to make it there too. It’s hard to think that the one thing you wanted so badly will never be true. But time goes on and you have to keep moving forward, so with the help of extensive therapy, I have learned to let go.
Acknowledge your feelings
It’s ok to feel sadness, rejection, remorse, anger, or any other emotion you feel! Recognize and embrace those emotions for what they are because every emotion is connected to the way you are thinking. When you are able, try to align your emotions to a thought that you may be able to work your way through.
Reflect on the reasons
Take time to reflect on why you need to let go of the dream. In my case, its easy… the dream is no longer viable. Your dream may no longer be aligned with your values, interests, or goals. Understanding the reasons you must let go can help you gain clarity and acceptance.
Accept the reality
It is what it is! No amount of hoping, wishing, or praying will change what has happened. Even if you don’t get to a point of understanding why your dream is no longer possible, you can just choose to move forward. Work on your mindfulness – be in the present moment and show gratitude for what you currently have and what you can have in the future.
Seek support
I am a huge proponent of therapy! If your budget or insurance allows for it, seek out a professional to help guide you through. You can also garner support from your friends and family – your loved ones will want you to be able to move on. Talking about your emotions and receiving support can provide comfort and perspective.
Focus on new goals
This is a big one! Redirect your energy and focus on a new goal or dream. Identify a new passion or interest that aligns with your current values and aspirations. Focus on a goal that is achievable and not dependent on others. So many things would have had to happen for my childhood dream to come to fruition. My dreams now are based on the person I am and the person I want to become.
Action Steps
- Make one new goal to redirect your attention
- Make 3 sub-goals with what you can do TODAY, TOMORROW and THIS WEEK